On Taxing Pixie Dust and Unicorn Farts

Quick quiz: What is a Progressive Politician’s preferred form of energy?

  • A. Cold Fusion
  • B. Pixie Dust
  • C. Unicorn Farts
  • D. Cellulosic Biofuel
  • E. All of the Above

Careful. It’s kind of a trick question. Answer below the fold.

Most of you probably answered “E”, correctly noting that the one energy attribute most prized by Progressives is nonexistence. In fact, the more fanciful, the better.

But the correct answer to our little quiz is “D”, Cellulosic Biofuel. For not only is commercial-scale Cellulosic Biofuel every bit as nonexistent as Cold Fusion, Pixie Dust and Unicorn Farts, the Wizards of Washington have figured out how to tax its very nonexistence!

How is that for 100% pure awesome??

Behold, please, a video from our friends at the American Energy Alliance:

In 2011, Congressional mandates for Cellulosic Biofuel cost refiners $6.8 million (New York Times story). In 2012, the mandated use of Cellulosic Biofuel is 8.6 million gallons.

The projected commercial availability of Cellulosic Biofuel for 2012 is 0.0 gallons.

Blenders must use their mandated quantity of Cellulosic Biofuel, or pay “offsets”, essentially a tax the EPA charges for failure to use the nonexistent product. Of course, refiners are not going to absorb this cost, they’ll merely pass it on to the consumer. (Two industry groups have joined in a lawsuit against the EPA and its absurd penalties.)

Imagine the possibilites. Nonexistent commodities can be mandated in limitless quantity. Congress could mandate the consumption of, say, Pixie Dust or Unicorn Farts, knowing full well that not only will said consumption have zero impact on the environment, but it will be an unparalleled revenue opportunity. There will be burgeoning markets in Pixie Dust Credits or Unicorn Fart Offsets. Unleashed from the constraints of reality, we could even balance the budget.

Repeat after me: Yes We Can!

Cross-posted at RedState.com.

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3 Responses to On Taxing Pixie Dust and Unicorn Farts

  1. billy says:

    do you mean unicorn milk ?

  2. Jon says:

    Milk is not a combustible product. Unicorn farts are similar to Natural Gas, except they can run a Nissan Leaf for 100 years with a single compressed droplet…

  3. agimarc says:

    Cold fusion is not dead. There is still a community of people investigating it. They seem to believe they have something, though they don’t know how or why yet. If it is real, it sets up a fun argument between the chemistry world and the physics world. Here’s a link for further reading. Cheers –


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